On Being a Celebrity

If you want to feel like a celebrity, 

with people taking pictures of you all the time like paparazzi,

 move to China. 

This celebrity, VIP status, that is automatically granted to you 

upon entering China with a foreign face,

has many benefits. 

The greatest one being the boost to your ego, 

when your asked to stand on red carpets with 

'the owners mom' and things like this. 

Or when people ask to take a picture with you.

 It also gets you commercial gigs, which pay really well. 

You become an instant actor. 

Here's Z with the director of a commercial, where Zachary played a 'foreign architect.'

You also get one of the star roles in Christmas plays. 

Christmas plays with guns of course.

This celebrity status will also ensure that you are placed on magazine covers & advertisements around your city.

 It will also gain you an invite to several full course meals. 

You get invited to all the best field trips, too.

Like Tree Planting Day.

And strawberry picking.

You get picked to go on stage during game shows. 

Okay. I volunteered for this one, but that's beside the point.

At meals, you'll most always be given the seat of honor, where you are served the best of each dish.

Like the pig's snout.

You also get invited to do cool things, where they need a "foreign face" for publicity,

like going to press conferences 

and golfing ranges for free.

These are just a few of the many 

benefits to being a foreigner, 

I mean, 

a celebrity, 

in China. 

So, 

if you need a boost to the ego,

or just like have pictures taken of you by strangers,

come on over.

We'll get your self esteem right up.