Today I am at my heaviest, well technically, I hit 10 pounds heavier then where I am today in Korea, but more or less, I'm at my heaviest.
And here's some honesty, in my flesh, that part that is so influenced by the world's standards of beauty, longs to have a body, right this instant, that could fit into anything I tried on. A body with long, cellulite free legs and toned arms and stomach. A body that looked perfect in a swim suit and shorts. A body that didn't require discipline & calorie counting.
But here's the thing. That other part of me, my spirit, the eternal part of me, longs for something more. That part of me, my spirit and heart, longs to be completely satisfied in the Lord. I long to be completely at peace and confident in the Lord and who He has made me and is making me to be, no matter what size I am or what the numbers on the scale are.
Tomorrow, I am going to start trying to loose weight. I'm not going to do a fad diet or go crazy like I have in the past, but I am going to try to seek to eat cleaner and exercise more, and by God's grace, be at least a few pounds lighter by the time we go to Thailand in the middle of January. I could cry thinking about what I look like and the fact that we are going to Thailand in the middle of January. But instead, I'm going to claim it. I'm going to claim truth. I want to remember something in his moment, at my heaviest, before any pounds come off.
I want to remember, now, at my heaviest the truths of who I am today.
I am loved & created by the King of the Universe.
I am loved no less today than when I weighed 50 pounds heavier.
I am loved by my husband.
I am loved by my family.
Their love is not conditional.
I have worth.
I am valued.
I am beautiful in His eyes.
I am blessed.
Beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
These things I want to remember. These are the things that I want to cling to for all of my life. I don't want to cling to calorie counting websites, scales or size 4 jeans. I want to cling to the eternal truths, the life giving truths, of God.
Sister, these truths are the same for you. No matter your size, please know, you are so extremely loved, sought after and seen beautiful by Your Father in Heaven. Claim it against the lies & thoughts of the flesh & the culture we live in. Karate chop those lies and thoughts in the face and the balls while you're at it. Do it for me to and the women around you. Do it for your daughters. Do it for the women that will come after us. Let's be women who have confidence not in the tape measure around our hips and thighs, but women who stand boldly and confidently in our skin that God made for us, knowing that we are loved and have value, and that this, this is beauty.