On Being a Celebrity

If you want to feel like a celebrity, 

with people taking pictures of you all the time like paparazzi,

 move to China. 

This celebrity, VIP status, that is automatically granted to you 

upon entering China with a foreign face,

has many benefits. 

The greatest one being the boost to your ego, 

when your asked to stand on red carpets with 

'the owners mom' and things like this. 

Or when people ask to take a picture with you.

 It also gets you commercial gigs, which pay really well. 

You become an instant actor. 

Here's Z with the director of a commercial, where Zachary played a 'foreign architect.'

You also get one of the star roles in Christmas plays. 

Christmas plays with guns of course.

This celebrity status will also ensure that you are placed on magazine covers & advertisements around your city.

 It will also gain you an invite to several full course meals. 

You get invited to all the best field trips, too.

Like Tree Planting Day.

And strawberry picking.

You get picked to go on stage during game shows. 

Okay. I volunteered for this one, but that's beside the point.

At meals, you'll most always be given the seat of honor, where you are served the best of each dish.

Like the pig's snout.

You also get invited to do cool things, where they need a "foreign face" for publicity,

like going to press conferences 

and golfing ranges for free.

These are just a few of the many 

benefits to being a foreigner, 

I mean, 

a celebrity, 

in China. 

So, 

if you need a boost to the ego,

or just like have pictures taken of you by strangers,

come on over.

We'll get your self esteem right up.

To the Window, to the Wall, to the Sweat Drop Down my...

Terrible song. 

I know.

Is it terrible how easily it gets stuck in my head?

Hopefully it's not stuck in yours now, too. 

Thankfully, I only know that one line.

If you can't finish those lyrics,

I applaud you.

Keep your sweet mind pure. :) 

Well. 

Except that the rest of this post is mostly about balls.

Sorry about that.

As you read yesterday, we had a fantastically wonderful and restful time at the beach, 

drinking our champagne, 

and enjoying our treats. 

After our beach picnic, 

I had another surprise for Zachary.

A couples bath and massage at the new Hyatt! 

That just so happened to be conveniently on the beach we sat on. :) 

Well planned. Well planned, Heather. 

This photo of Hyatt Regency Qingdao is courtesy of TripAdvisor

So, we walked our way up to the beautiful Hyatt

& into our private massage room. 

Which was, fabulous. 

Dim lights, HUGE salt water bath tub, his and her sinks,

his and her foot baths, massage shower, large plush towels and robes. 

Speeeccctaccular. 

Everything was wonderful.

Aesthetically pleasing to the tee. 

First, we had our super relaxing bath. 

Baths are VERY luxurious for us in China, 

since most people don't have a bath tub.

The lady told me that most people take 15 to 30 minute baths, so we needed to arrive early. 

We took a full hour! 

We love us some bath time!

After our nice bath, we dried off with our plush towels and put on our,

um.. massage outfits. 

His and Hers panties. Gauze panties to be exact. 

I squeezed into my Asian spa panties, 

and Zachary shimmied his up his legs, 

and found that well, 

they weren't actually made for the,

um...

let's say, 

the well endowed.

But, tiny panties, no big deal! 

We'd be under a blanket anyways!

So, our massages started.

And they were heavenly.
An hour in they had us turn over,
for the head, stomach and leg massages.

To  have better access to our legs, they had to move the blanket to the side a little, of course.

I watched Zachary's girl do that,
then quickly whip the blanket back to it's original place.
I'm that awkward girl with her eyes open, trying not to make eye contact with the masseuse. 

Then, both of our massage therapists started laughing and couldn't stop.

They were trying so desperately to hide it but to no avail.
They had their heads in their shoulders, were turning away, doing everything to hide their laughter.
But creepy, open eye Heather saw.

We discovered later after the girls left the room,
and Z took the blanket off,
 the cause of all their laughter,

was a great big {no pun intended} shot, 

of Z's left testicle bulging out of his itsy, bitsy spa panties.

Hahaha.
Awesome. I know.
 It's probably already the talk of the break room massaging two foreigners,
but then, to get a ball shot!
We know what they'll be talking about for weeks, eh?

Shame! It was probably so embarrassing for them.

Luckily, my man's a confident man,

and didn't feel embarrassed. 

You know, these things are more of a compliment to men. ;) 

But we could still NOT stop laughing and giggling when we figured it out after they left. 

And let's just say we have a lot more ball jokes in our house as of late!

I'll have Beach with Champagne, Please

If you have a beach near by,

I highly recommend that you take a picnic, 

champagne included,

like stat. 

It was probably one of the better ideas I've had in a while. 

My plan was to pack a secret little fun picnic

& surprise Zachary with a relaxing afternoon! 

And what do you know?! 

That plan worked out perfectly! 

Bag packed for the surprise!

 *instagram pic-So I can't make it any bigger without it getting grainy. Boo!*

Don't you love when those awesome moments you envision come true!? 

So thankful! 

The Lord knew we needed some rest.  

My bag packed full of all the surprises! :) 

We found an amazing, some what quiet spot, away from the crowds, 

to lay our blanket down & enjoy the evening. 

I packed all our faves, which happen to go perfectly with champagne!

Tomatoes, green and black olives, apples and peanut butter, crackers and cheese, blue berries and Ritter Chocolate. Yum!

Our ocean view. 

Some neon green sea weed. 

Our evening was so nice, you guys!

The time slowed down, conversations was rich, 

the weather was perfect, 

it was so peaceful, and rest for my body and soul.

We are hoping to make this a bi-weekly summer ritual! 

After our beach picnic,

I had another surprise for Zachary! 

But you'll have to wait to hear about that in a later post!

Hint: It was oh, so relaxing, and topped off the evening perfectly. :) 

It also involved a giant bath tub. 

Readers,

Get your lover, your BFF, your mother, your cat, 

whom ever you have near by you,

pack some champagne & some treats,

and go have a picnic. 

Preferably near bodies of water, or other equally beautiful, 

equally peaceful scenes. 

Enjoy it, Rest & Be Still.